Show Yourself the Same Grace You Show the Rest of the World

I started the writing process for this article by taking a nap. 

Here’s why:

I have what has been described clinically as a robust immune response to vaccines, which is a good thing, I’m told. A family member recently asked us to get a booster of a vaccine for their safety and I did that the day I started writing this. Then my arm was sore and I was extra tired, so instead of trudging ahead, I decided everything would be better after a short nap.

And it was.

I realized that it would be hypocritical of me to write an article about giving ourselves grace, about cutting ourselves some slack when life is tough, and to not also do the same for myself.

The good news is, grace isn’t just for walking around. And it isn’t just for other people. It’s also for you and its also for me.

The working title for this article and episode was “Cut yourself some slack”, but I wanted to get more specific so I googled other ways to say it: Be nice to yourself.  Show yourself some grace. Be more understanding with yourself! Be merciful. Be lenient. Bail out, pull out of the fire, let off the hook, grant immunity, spare, pardon, forgive, absolve, reprieve, give amnesty, excuse, exempt, free, discharge, forbear, pity, release, bail out, go easy on, grant a pardon to, let go, refrain from hurting.

I don’t know if I’ve ever started an episode or article this way, but the message this week is to remind us to cut ourselves some slack. And I mean ourselves, you and me, because I am terrible at this some days.  

I assume positive intent from others and can grant grace and excuse and exempt every other person in my life when they need it and even when they don’t and even complete strangers, and I forget to do the same for me.

Anyone else out there? Yes, thought so.

I’m going to ask you right now to save this episode (if you’re listening to the podcast), or put a star next to the email in your inbox if you’re reading this.  Because I want you to come back to it, as needed. All of my articles and episodes live on my website and can be re-listened to or re-read, but especially this one. This may also be one of the shortest episodes because it feels like one of the simplest messages.

Be nice to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the rest of the world.

Most of my community members - whether you listen to my podcast or read my newsletter or engage with me on social media or come out and see me at public events  -  are awesome and high achieving people. In other communities, I might worry about suggesting that people take a break or take a step back or show themselves grace and rest. But not you. I’m guessing you may need some gentle nudges to be nice to yourself, and here’s the first.

Be nice to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the rest of the world.

Maybe this goes along with my recent article and episode about self care, but not really. This message is not about productivity. It’s about our worth and value as human beings. You and I don’t have to wait until we’ve published the article, made the meal, made the phone call, taken care of the client or anyone else, to be nice to ourselves, to take a break, to take a breath.

Be nice to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the rest of the world.

On a call with a client the other day, she listed all the things she had done since January 1: She had cleaned up after the holidays, had traveled for 1.5 weeks, was taking two classes in new and complicated subjects, had taken on some new habits to improve her routines, and it was only the end of February… and then she apologized because her decluttering efforts had stalled. As her organizational coach, my first suggestion was to cut herself some slack. And when I say it for others, I am saying it for all of us and to myself. 

Be nice to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the rest of the world.

We need to see ourselves through objective lenses. Sure, you’ve done the things. And even if you haven’t, that is not what defines us.

I was being coached last week - yes, of course the coach gets coached - and after I shared the report of what has been going on with me, my coach didn’t ask how I was going to get more done even in the busy time or why hadn’t I done x or y or z, she gently asked “Where is self care in all of that?”  In the intro to my podcast, I share that I have been helping my clients live better lives through organizing and productivity and organizational coaching, and some days that includes reminding us to be kinder to ourselves, shift our perspectives, find the balance in our lives -  at the heart of it, that is what matters.

We all carry heavy loads, invisible loads. The world feels really hard right now. And that matters and it also doesn’t. We don’t have to earn rest.

We may hear or we tell ourselves, “You should be able to do this, or that, blah blah blah”.

But we are not invincible, we are not immortal, we are not perfect, and is anyone actually asking us to be, anyway?  Anyone who truly cares for us, at least?  Or is it me expecting me to be invincible? 

We are often the stabilizing force for the other people in our lives and in our world that are also suffering.  Which means we want to take a break and rest because our hearts are heavy and our brains are full and we don't feel  like we get to.  Maybe you don't have the bandwidth to help all the people that you usually help. 

Maybe you don't have all the energy to go the extra mile. Maybe you just need to look inside and do a little extra care for your own heart and your own well being because  you're running on fumes. 

But first, Be nice to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the rest of the world.

It’s tough out there for a lot of us. That’s not minimizing. The point is we all share in that we have loads we carry, sometimes the loads are heavy and we just need to give ourselves grace. 

So I’m in that state. I need to cut myself some slack. And since many of my listeners and community members are similar to me, It's possible, it is likely, it's even probable that at least some of you could also benefit from hearing that. 

Maybe you just need to stop for a minute, take a couple deep breaths. I started to say applaud yourself for all that you do, like our recent look at the Done List. But honestly, our worth doesn't come from our doing. We just have it inherently as humans.

You know, maybe that's a podcast episode for another day, but it is the truth, right? We just need to cut ourselves some slack some days. Let me tell you and myself, it's gonna be okay. We got this. What needs to happen is going to happen. It's going to happen in its own time. We don't want to be so busy in these busy times that we also miss the fabulous opportunities that are also coming our way. Or the bliss of a good night's sleep in these busy times. Or the joy in seeing people at busier times of year that you haven't seen in a while, or meeting new people and making new friends. All of those things can be true. 

Our pastor occasionally ends the Mass saying “May God bless you gently this week”.  I love that.  May God bless us gently this week.  

If you needed to hear that today, let me be the first to tell you, Be nice to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the rest of the world. And I'm going to tell myself the same. (And remember to subscribe and save this episode!)