No More Waiting—Your Best Life Starts Now

We’re starting with wise words today from an original thought leader and influencer.  Dr. Seuss.

From “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” By Dr. Seuss

“You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, towards a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…

for people just waiting. 

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

NO! That’s not for you!

I have to chuckle. I started this article in Google Docs last week, and I left the tab open on my browser to add ideas to since then.  The working title was “Waiting…”, so I had a tab open for a week that was called “Waiting…” that was waiting for me to add to. Irony?  Maybe.

What is even more interesting, or timely, for me is as “Waiting” was waiting for more content, I shared space at a Benefits and Wellness Fair with a friend and peer, Eva from the Cognitive Clinic, a wellness practice that I mentioned in last week’s ADHD article, and she had a plastic skeleton as part of her table display, with a Cognitive Clinic tshirt on and a sign that said “I am waiting for my perfect….. (fill in the blank here). 

Waiting. That is our topic today.

First, let’s define Waiting in the context of today’s article. A quick google search yielded 

“Waiting: The action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens.” Or, per Dictionary.com, “a period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay.”  Per Freedictionary.com, “The act of remaining inactive or stationary. 

For today, we’re using the idea of Waiting as a time of inaction or delay.  And as likely not a very useful endeavor.

I really loved the message that our friend Kelly the Skeleton was sharing, the reminder that we could literally die or waste away waiting for something, especially if we decide that whatever it is has to be perfect. Because “Perfect” is never going to happen! No person or situation will be or stay perfect, so let’ get good at just working with what we have!

Waiting. 

I will talk about the positives of waiting in a little bit, when we can make it “preparing” or “resting”, but if we just look at it as inaction or delay, waiting is a lack of movement in any direction. That’s not healthy, positive or useful. It can be very stressful.

I get it - Sometimes we have to wait, like when we are scheduled to go on a trip or have a doctor appointment or for the holidays or, as someone on social media responded to my waiting question, waiting for this weekend’s football game. Those are examples of waiting in anticipation or in preparation.

However, we often wait for things we don’t need to wait for. Like, “I’m waiting to make positive changes to my habits or relationships or mindset until… I feel like it, next season, I wake up motivated, next year, I win a million dollars, I retire, etc.”  And it begs the question, what benefit is doing nothing providing? What is the delay or inaction actually doing for you? And the answer might be nothing, unfortunately.

Can we please become aware THAT we are waiting? That we are actively choosing a delay or inaction, and for not any good or positive reason?  And, next level, can we turn the waiting into preparing? Can we decide that we’re done waiting, and turn from inaction to action? You deserve better, my friends.  We all do.

Here’s an example, and because I don’t have to ask myself for permission, I’m sharing a personal example:

I give advice OFTEN that we don’t need to wait. We don’t need to wait to get organized, be more productive, or make positive changes in our lives.  At almost every moment, or any moment, we can take little steps, and sometimes even big steps, towards positive change. And… sometimes I need to hear and take my own advice!

In addition to being a productivity coach and certified professional organizer, I am also a liturgical musician. And, in the last few months especially, I am singing and playing A LOT, hired to sub in as a cantor at 3-4 local Catholic parishes on any given weekend. Paid to sing at Mass. What could be better?!  Love it!

Of course, each parish uses a different list of hymns and music for their Masses, and different books, too. To learn the new songs, rehearse and arrive prepared to sing, I have 7, yes 7, different hymnals on my desk right now for reference (I stopped to count them). AND, as a flutist, I also have flute accompaniment books to go with many of those hymnals. Imagine with me, my husband and I were asked to play for a Reconciliation Service this past week, and I had 5 books with me, the size of a binder each, that when stacked, were over 6 inches tall altogether. And that was for one service.

I’ve had a task on my to-do list for months to buy a new IPad and set it up with a music app so that I can carry music with me digitally on my Ipad instead of 10 pounds of books. Which is a really silly statement to make.  Because I don’t need to wait, I can work with what I have.  Yes, I needed to take my own advice.

There was some preparation in my waiting! I asked my experts and researched my options so I know which app to use. I was just waiting for money in the budget to purchase a new larger IPad.  I was waiting to set up a tool that will likely make my life easier because… I thought I needed a bigger IPad to make it work.  And, I do not.

I HAVE an Ipad. It’s just not very big. I bought a new IPhone last week because my old one is really old and no longer holding a charge very long, and in my head, I said - “well, I guess I will keep waiting for that IPad since I just spent so much money on tech”. And then - I stopped myself! I don’t need to wait to take a step that may make life easier. I can use the tools I have now (my current Ipad), sign up for the music app ForScore (did that yesterday), and start using it immediately!

I can act. The perfect situation, the perfect alignment of planets, the perfect anything is probably not going to happen. I can choose to act instead of waiting.

Let’s review:  What did I do that turned waiting into preparation?

• I identified the problem. I need to not carry around so many heavy books from church to church on a weekend.

• I asked my experts, my fellow musicians who are already using an app for their music about which one they recommended, pros and cons, etc. 

• I considered what features would help me, like being able to search my apps music library, or being able to make notes on the music (every musician understands that!). 

• I started saving newly purchased or acquired / assigned music in PDF form to easily upload it to an app when I was ready.

• I realized I didn’t have to WAIT!

• Instead of waiting for a perfect situation, the perfect solution, I purchased the app and installed it on my current IPad.  I took action.

The other day, I asked this question on social media:

Please answer the question “What am I waiting for?”  And ask the question, with emphasis on each word, if you want to think about it.

• WHAT am I waiting for? (what’s the goal?)

• What AM I waiting for? (focus in!)

• What am "I" waiting for? (am I waiting, am I waiting on someone else?)

• What am I WAITING for? (Is there something else I could be doing?!)

• What am I waiting FOR? (As in, Why?)

For example, on a call this week, a client was waiting to buy a dress for an upcoming wedding until she lost 5 pounds, but now the wedding is just a few weeks away and she just needs to buy a dress.

From a community member answering my social media question, “Sometimes I think we’re waiting for people to invite us… for instance, volunteering… in reality we should step up and ask “Who can use my help?”… then go and help! Practically every organization can use volunteer help.”  What are we waiting for?

I received a DM that read “We often wait to do something until we grow up or meet the love of our life or have kids or until the kids grow up or until we retire, and then we’ve spent decades waiting to do the thing we’ve silently wanted forever. And then it’s too late.”

Yes, sometimes we have to wait.  However, there is waiting and then there is Actively Waiting, as in preparing. And I understand and even endorse that.

Looking back at my recent post about maintenance - I can wait until my system fails to take action on something. I can wait until I have surgery on my shoulder again (just did) and I can't carry a heavy bag of music, or I can work with what I have and reap the benefits now.  I don’t have to wait until the system fails to make updates. I don't have to wait. I can do that now with the current situation, like the one I just shared, with the current technology that I have, and then make the step when I'm ready to make the step. I can get started. And so can you.

I know, sometimes waiting feels easier. Less risky.  The unknown can feel scary. We wait because of fear or frustration or worry, because we believe “perfect” will solve all the problems without any of the risk. But… perfect is an unrealistic qualification and may never happen, just ask Kelly The Skeleton.

So let’s consider how to turn our passive waiting into active preparation, using waiting for good!

If you know, you know. As Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride says, “I hate waiting”. 

Wesley knows how to make waiting better. “If you’re in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.”

We can ask ourselves, What Are Waiting For, with those different emphases.  And then we can ask, What is something useful to do? Some ownership you can take of your actions or of the situation?  

What if we feel we have a long time to wait?  What if… you want to travel the world some day but feel you need to wait for the money or opportunity or a travel buddy, etc., etc.  How about studying a foreign language now, in preparation for some day?

And let’s use tools that help diminish your stress while waiting (and I don’t mean scrolling social media, which can cause more stress!).Try some breathing exercises. Load a kindle app on your phone and read a book. Meditate. Pray. This may sound a little OCD, but count!  I used to be much more impatient and would get irritated anytime I got stopped in traffic by a train, or if I felt I had to wait after I knocked on a door. Now I actually count, and have realized that waiting made me feel anxious and distorted time so it felt like it was passing more quickly or slowly than it actually was. So, I count. That is real. And it helps me with awareness.

Waiting is a close neighbor of procrastination, for certain.  And some of the strategies that work for breaking procrastination work for changing up your habits around waiting, as well.

Let’s sum up:

Dr. Seuss.  Princess Bride.  

Ok, more about waiting: 

Gain awareness that it is happening.  And what that unnamed anxious or frustrated feeling might be about. 

Identifying what exactly you’re waiting for, like using the exercise I mentioned above. 

And also, for You, my friend, identifying what actions you CAN take, even if you still have to wait.  And then, exploring some tools to help us build resilience and patience and stress management when waiting is hard!