Holiday Harmony: Self-Care, Connection, & Clear Communication
Wow, my friends.
I have heard back from many of you this week in response to my last article and podcast episode, Designing a Meaningful (and Manageable!) Holiday Season. I am glad the strategies and content resonated with you, and that you found it helpful. In last week’s article, I promised more strategies this week. Last week focused on tasks and planning, and this week we’re looking at people! You and Your Loved Ones!
Strategy: Remember and believe: you're further along than you think / you know more than you think you know.
Ok, maybe this is a task and planning strategy, too, but it came to me as a strategy during a coaching call with a client this week, and I wanted to share it. And it was a relief for the client when we worked together, which makes this strategy about stress management and us as people!
A client last week was bemoaning that they weren’t making progress in their holiday tasks. They then outlined that most of their gifts were purchased, their travel plans were booked, their Christmas cards were already ordered, but… however… but… and I had to stop them and say - “It sounds like you’re farther along than you think”. And they are.
Similarly, probably because I don’t like to shop, I have been feeling like I still need gift ideas and have too much gift shopping to do and I just want to be done so I could do other more fun things.I opened my list earlier today, and I actually have ideas for every person and I just need to spend an hour and act on those ideas. I know more than I thought. Hooray!
I bet you’re further along than you think you are. And that you know more than you think you do.
Strategy: Take Care of Yourself, and Others.
Make time for the daily habits that will maintain your health and wellness. Add them to your calendar and get specific!
In a coaching call this week - Yes, as a coach I also get coached! - a friend and mentor asked “where is self-care for Colleen on that list?” after I reviewed my progress from the last 2 weeks personally and professionally and then stated what I want to accomplish before we meet again in 2 more weeks.
Ummm…. Well…
Yes, this is a place I stumble. Like ALL THE TIME.
On that recent call, this mentor and I had been talking about how sleep and self care are the first practices to get abandoned in these busy seasons of life, but they’re even more important when things get busy to keep us in good working condition! Staying healthy is more vital because more is asked of us, and who wants to get sick for Christmas?
We traveled for Thanksgiving, and had a lovely time with family out-of-state. And even though I know better than to neglect my routines, I….. over-ate, under-slept, didn’t exercise, and forgot to take my vitamins. Not surprisingly, I hit the proverbial wall some time Saturday night, feeling blah and overwhelmed.
I know that you are a smart person and that you already know this. So do I. I know it, AND I still need to hear it and more importantly ACT ON IT. This week has been a return to routines, with physical activity, better hydration, regular bedtimes, mealtimes and schedules, and I feel better already. I also spent some time in the kitchen, making healthy meals and snacks for the next couple of days.
Consider what you can do to take care of you this week.
And, we need to Take Care of Each Other. Let’s remember, too, that for some of us, the holidays are hard. Even if they aren’t difficult for you, consider they may be difficult for people around you. We can get so caught up in the stress of the holidays that we forget simple kindness and grace and compassion.
Remember Why we celebrate this time of year.
Relatedly,
Strategy: The answer to "What is next on the list?" can be “Take A Break”.
I worked with a client this week who is smack dab in the middle like me, a member of the sandwich or “pivot” generation. She has grown children having new little children, she is handling her parents’ health and affairs, she has her own health to worry about.
We worked together for three hours on a recent morning, restoring order and setting up a list of next actions for her. As I was leaving, she said “Ok, after you go, what should I do next?” Keep in mind, we had organized paperwork for two households for three hours. And the answer was, “Take A Break. It’s noon, you haven’t eaten in 5 hours, you’ve been working hard with me for the last three, the answer is ‘Take A Break’.” Eat food. Drink water. Let the dog out and watch him enjoy the snow. Stand outside in the sunlight.
There is a reason I work in 2-3 hour sessions with my in-person clients. That reason is so I can take a break, too. For example, I used my commute that day to eat my packed lunch, listen to music or a podcast, practice some deep breathing exercises, check in with a loved one on the phone, etc.
Strategy: Take some stress off your shoulders and make “The Doing” also “The Event”.
A comment from a class participant helped me frame this statement. What if hosting a holiday dinner is the event, for sure, but what if… and hear me out… what if having people help you cook, assemble the last few dishes, set the table and serve IS ALSO part of the event? This feels like it might take a little planning and also some releasing of expectations, but what if it’s not just about the magic of people arriving to an elaborately set table in a beautifully decorated home with the food being set on the table as they arrive by perfectly coiffed hostesses or hosts? What if it is also the community, the working together, the fun and spontaneity?
In response to all of my time-saving party prep hacks, the class participant said that all the early prep would diminish her family’s tradition of all gathering and cooking the meal together. I realized that making “The Doing” the work also “The Event” elevates the work we have to do and makes it more enjoyable by doing it together.
For example,
I’ve shared before, my family bakes A LOT of cookies especially this time of year. And the “doing”, the conversations about favorites and strategies with my family in the kitchen, the surprise and joy when we remember past successes, the assembling of ingredients, the assembly line and working together of baking and cooling and packaging, the photo ops and the pride in the finished product, and the satisfaction when loved ones who receive the cookies and enjoy them - we SHARE those experiences. Maybe the doing IS the event.
When running errands earlier today - a responsibility I typically do not like - I reflected on something my middle son said years ago. He and his friend were excited to “run errands” on their mutual day off of work. When I said ‘yuck, errands’, or something like that, he explained that there was usually an iced coffee run to get them started, a fun and productive day of taking care of business together, conversation and road trip vibes as they rode around together, perhaps a shared lunch or a shared grocery trip and then making dinner together, etc.. The “Doing” was definitely the event, and they had a lot more fun doing errands their way than I do mine!
What “Doing” could you make “the event”? A shopping trip, cookie baking, gift wrapping, cooking, putting up holiday decorations together? Many hands make light work!
And last but not least,
Strategy: Get Clear with Your Communications.
A friend lives by the adage “Clear is Kind” when it comes to communications, and thanks to her, now I do, too. Few of us like the feeling of not knowing. Not knowing the story, the details, not knowing what is going on. Good news, bad news, I still want to know. For me, the cliche “Ignorance is Bliss” doesn’t hold up. I like to know things.
“Clear is Kind” means that prompt and clear communication, good or bad or neutral, is still the compassionate choice because people need to know information. When we have current information, we can make informed decisions about our actions.
Communication is a two way street, too, so we need to listen to our loved ones this time of year, too. (See above, self care and caring for others!) As we talk about holiday strategies, check in with what’s important to your loved ones and be ready to adjust.
Clear and Kind communication may also be to say “I Don’t Know” as an answer to a question.
For example, If you’ve been invited to an event, answer the invitation. Now, one friend’s adage is to “Say Yes to all the Fun Things”, while a different person I know who is already overwhelmed always answers with an automatic “No, Thank You” but then can change their mind. Either way, being clear in your communications and responding promptly is the kind choice. Even if you change your mind.
Also, remind yourself clear is kind, and gently and kindly have the awkward conversations. About traditions, travel, gifts, whatever feels awkward and you just want to avoid it. Clear is kind, my friends.
And, like last week, maybe you feel like it’s too late to have awkward conversations about the holidays this year, but make a note to check in with friends and family in the new year to propose changes or new traditions ahead of time for the next holiday season!
And since Clear is Kind, that’s enough communication from me this week! I hope you find these strategies helpful as well, and please - keep reaching out to me with feedback!
